So today is Detox day 29.  I’m faced with a minor dilemma.  While I admit that I have noticed very little in the way of adverse withdrawal effects since cutting my dosage in half, seeing that my first day of Zero medication (day 31) will be Monday kind of threw me off in a not-good way.  Yeah, theoretically I shouldn’t experience anything severe, based on my experience over the last 29 days, but I’m seized by the “what if” of stopping medication on the first day of the work week.  I am seriously considering continuing at my 75mg daily until next Friday.

Here’s my logic for this:  I cut my dosage in half, but my brain is still getting at least some of the chemical it has been accustomed to get.  So even though my withdrawal during this period has been negligible if not nonexistent, I imagine a danger of real withdrawal striking when I cut out the drug entirely.  I think of it as the difference between cutting back on sweets and cutting them out entirely.  If you just cut back, you may have cravings, but you can still give yourself that sugar fix occasionally.  But if you say “that’s it, no sweets, period,” you find suddenly that that is all you want.  And I have had enough experiences of withdrawal while I have been on this drug that I feel pretty confident that my brain will be like, “heyyy, I was using that!  where’d it goooo??”

If I go this next week on the 75mg dose, then choose Friday to cut it out, if I have a bad day and wig out some I will be able to reassure myself that it’s the last day of the week, and possibly keep the wigging to a minimum until I get home in the afternoon.  Then I have Saturday and Sunday to really detox.

If I had thought about this earlier I could have just done that this weekend instead, but I think the idea of stopping on Friday is a good one, and by now I’ve pretty much talked myself into it.  Maybe I’m just deferring because I’m really afraid of the horrible and uncontrollable feelings of withdrawal.  What I do know is that I don’t want it to affect my job — this is intended to be a relatively smooth transition into drug-free living.

So!  T-minus 6 days until Total Detox!

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