Ugh.  This happens every time my period is really heavy — which is not as often as it was before I started on birth control, so I’m thankful for that.  But I do still get it periodically (ha ha) and it sucks.

Basically, I have dealt with constipation almost constantly since I was 14.  FYI, that’s almost exactly HALF of my life to date.  Somehow, when my period gets to the point where I can’t get through the night with just one tampon, my bowels go “hey! I’d like to evacuate, too!”

Of course, since I have this dread of bowel evacuation due to having hard, painful stool for most of my life, I tend to try to ignore the feeling until I can’t possibly anymore.  It’s retarded, I know, and I’ve gotten much better about listening to my body over the last couple years, but still.  Here I am, sitting at my computer instead of sitting on the toilet.


Why would anyone want to read this?  It’s disgusting, personal information about excrement.  But you know what?  I don’t care.  1) I’m trying to document (to whatever extent I feel like) my physical and emotional experience with dysthymia, and 2) I think we are far too sensitive about excrement.  We are raised to think it’s disgusting and somehow shameful, so we don’t talk about it, and in fact it shocks and appalls people if it’s brought up in “polite” conversation.  But it’s a fact of life.  It’s more natural than sneezing, something we do right out in front of the world.  Without pee and poo and menstruation we would die.  I’ve seen it in “The Sims” — you don’t let your little avatar go to the bathroom and eventually he dies and blue fluid comes out.


The fact is there’s a lot of information we can get from our excrement.  For example, when I pee and it’s bright yellow and smells strong, I know I haven’t been drinking enough water (which is most of the time).  When my stool is hard and pellet-like (which is most of the time), I know I probably haven’t been drinking enough water, I may need to start eating more fiber, I’m probably stressed out and could stand to do a few stomach crunches.

And no, I’m not advocating making bowel movements a normal part of conversation, but I do think that among close friends it should not be off limits.  And I certainly think we need to stop going “eeew!” any time we see or hear about it.


PS- just an update on my morning exercise project: so far, so good.  I have been doing it for 2 weeks now, and each week I skipped one weekday, which I have decided to permit.  The first week I skipped Saturday and Sunday, and this week I exercised on Saturday but seem to be skipping Sunday.  It’s a gradual process, and I am being generous with myself about taking my time.

Overall I feel much better on days that I do that 10-minute exercise.  It gets me more alert earlier in the day, it warms up my body (which is important because it’s effing freezing in the house compared to under the covers) and I think it just helps my energy circulate the way it’s supposed to.  So yay!  I’m definitely going to keep this up.