I think I am on the verge of some major changes in my life & lifestyle and I have literally NO ONE to talk with.  I’m considering sending V an e-mail begging her to call me just so I can run my thoughts by a rational, caring person.  Mom is out of town (but I’d rather not get into these things with her anyway).

Some things keep coming up in therapy that it is getting harder and harder for me to ignore.  The fact that I have actually been willing to talk about them with even my therapist is a huge step, but because I am talking about them it is impossible for me to pretend they aren’t issues that need addressing.  I’ll be honest, this is pretty agonizing.  I feel like I’m about to burst and the one friend I have in this town that I feel I can be “real” with and who will understand what’s going on is still in several levels of denial herself and can’t be counted on to be consistently “real” with me.  And I’m not gonna show my heart to someone if I can’t be sure they will at least be level with me.

Fuck it, I’m sending that e-mail.