Today may not turn out to be as productive as I’d hoped.  The high I woke up with is giving way to uncertainty, insecurity.  Fear.  I don’t want to be one of those people who constantly looks for reassurance.

I have to remember to be gentle with myself.  The last couple days have been huge and overwhelming and exhausting.  It will take more than a couple nights’ sleep to really come to grips with it all.

Right now, to him, so much depends on the test results, but he can’t even get the test for at least a month.  Maybe with a month’s passing things will be different.  In one way or another.  A month feels like a very long time to wait.

I need to do some meditation exercises so I can feel this pain but not let it own me.  I hope I can.

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