It’s so strange how quickly I got used to NG.  We started dating mid-February; I broke up with him Saturday evening. So that’s just a little over 3 months.  I certainly didn’t feel as strongly about him as he did about me, but I still feel that twinge of grief at the separation.  It’s like when someone dies and for a while you can only remember the good things about them, the things you’ll never do together, the things you’ll never get to say because now they’re gone.  So I must have bonded with the man at least to some degree, because I do feel the absence now.

I have to remind myself that I felt so awkward around him much of the time.  That we couldn’t relate to each other on some pretty important things that I put under the general unbrella of ‘joviality.’  And at the same time I am trying to let myself feel the wistful regret, too.  Just because I am certain it was the best thing to do doesn’t mean I’m not vulnerable to a little sadness, too.  I hate that I hurt him.  I hate that it came as such a surprise.  With old BF it wasn’t easy, but at least he knew it was coming.  It wasn’t quite the shock it might have been.  This was so different.  Trying to explain why I suddenly felt we weren’t compatible (it wasn’t sudden, it just appeared that way to him) was excruciating.  For both of us, I’m sure.  A friend sent me a link to this video after the fact.  It’s weird: some guy (who’s apparently a fairly successful YA fiction author?) plays a European football video game while dishing out advice on how to break up with someone.  Interesting perspective, though.

I did the math.  It took me about 6 months (26 weeks) to get completely over my breakup with BF.  Our relationship lasted approximately 5 years (260 weeks).  So my recovery period equaled about 1/10th of the total length of the relationship.  Assuming the ratio is more or less the same, I should be through with this in 1.3 weeks or 9.1 days.  That puts me at about next Wednesday.  I don’t think it will take that long, but we’ll see.

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