I don’t recall if I’ve discussed this much here.  Everyone remember SMF?  When we not-broke up, we had this long back-and-forth about whether we would be able to stay friends and to what degree.  My feeling was ultimately that there was no way I would feel comfortable discussing personal issues with him. I certainly didn’t want to talk about my depression or relationships or anything like that.  I wanted to scale things back to casual “Facebook friends” level, and if we continued to get along maybe we would become better friends.  That didn’t make sense to him; he wanted to continue the level of intimacy (conversation-wise) but just without the sex part, I guess.  Or I don’t know.

So periodically he’d e-mail me and just be like “hey, how’s everything, blah blah” which, I mean who sends e-mails anymore, really?  It just really weirded me out. I would respond with no intimate detail, nothing super involved, keeping my distance.  I suppose it would have been better if I never responded at all.  Anyway, just a couple weeks ago I finally said look: I don’t trust you. I don’t know why you keep trying to keep up this correspondence or whatever, but it confuses and frustrates me.  To which he responded something like “well if you want to go then go.”  So I said “ok, great” and made sure to Facebook un-friend him.  So now that’s over.  The long, unnecessarily drawn out saga of SMF.  I regret that we were apparently unable to find a compromise that worked for both of us, but in some ways this is probably the best route anyway.

What makes this relevant right now is the fact that I’m still thinking about it.  Still thinking about it when my sadness over ending things with NG are mostly faded (based on the math in the last post I still have through Wednesday if I need it).  But the thing is, if I only really completely “ended” things with SMF a couple weeks ago, and we started hanging out back in December, that’s 6 months of relationship compared to the 3 I had with NG.  It might be a little different since the business with SMF was a messy non-break up beginning back in January? February? and dragging on into June, whereas with NG there was a clean start/stop.  Still, based on the math, it could well be another week+ before I’ve completed my recovery from the SMF saga.

I just think it’s interesting that, even though we haven’t been “involved” for months, I’ve still been hanging on to the hurt and resentment.  I look forward to closing that chapter.  Lesson learned, clean breaks only.

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