I had a dream last night about SMF.  And since I wasn’t in Effexor withdrawal I think I can trust that it was sincere.  The details are hazy because there were a lot of scene changes — it was at a party of some sort, and I was talking to SMF and his current GF, sort of venting and also trying to convince the GF that I deserved at least a little bit of sympathy.  I got the impression that she looked at me with a little distain, and I wanted to convince her, not that her boyfriend is a horrible person, but that  he was at least a little uncharitable to me; that I’m not just some kind of lunatic who was obsessed with her man or something.

How the dream ends or would have ended doesn’t really matter, I think.  What it tells me is that I am finally processing some of this stuff, finally dealing with it on more than just a superficial level, internalizing it.  The characters of SMF and his GF weren’t themselves, but rather the part of me that blames myself, the part of me that still holds me 100% responsible for anything unpleasant that happens in my life.  The good me, the genuine me, wants to overpower that part of my psychology.  Yay, good me!

In short, I think this was probably an extremely positive sign.  Here’s hoping I’m right!

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