There’s nothing like spending a couple hours with a dozen or so people to leave me feeling a little hollow inside.

We had our monthly planning meeting for the atheist group and it was so very loud and I was surrounded and not drinking.  I was so very eager to be gone from there.  The feeling that stands out from the moment I departed was one of “I want my night back.”

I often find these meetings discouraging.  It brings out what I imagine to be the less pleasant qualities in a group of people I have only a meagre personal connection with at best.  People are unable to intuit.  They aren’t able to discern what others mean even if they don’t quite say it the way they mean it.  I won’t deny that I don’t get it right all the time, but sometimes it just seems so obvious.  But then, maybe I need to remind myself that many of these people are rather singularly left-brain inclined…. intuiting not necessarily a forte.  Studying or gaining an understanding of each person’s manner of communicating not necessarily important to them.  Maybe if they realized how much faster these meetings would go if they would just pay attention for a moment.

It feels awful to be in that setting.  Nothing so isolating as to be surrounded by people all talking, feeling no keen desire to try to get into conversation with any of them.  Feeling no keen desire to yell to be heard or strain to hear.  How I crave a small group!  If I am to be in one at all.  Otherwise, I am left with this emptiness that I have to purge from myself somehow.  A bit of Jonsi, then brush my teeth and meditate for a few will hopefully help bring me back near centered.