I’m signed up to go to a Meetup thing and I don’t know anybody else who’s going.  Have to leave the house in about 1-1/2 hours in order to get there in time, and already starting to feel anxious about it.  I wish I had somebody to go with!!  But it would be nice if I at least had somebody I could text and be like “damn, I’m really getting anxious” and have them tell me “hey it’s ok, you’ll be fine and you’ll have fun once you get there.”  Previously I might have sent something like that to L, but I’m sort of distancing myself from her these days.  Too much pot and recreational use of prescription drugs for my comfort. And besides, she never actually hangs out with me anymore.  And she was kind of the only person I had who I felt familiar enough with to express this sort of anxiety.  I don’t want to talk myself out of going.  I know it will probably be lots of fun.  But I’m afraid!!  Afraid of new people, of unfamiliar settings and activities.  Sigh.  I have a movie.  I could easily stay home and watch that instead.  But I also really could use the exercise and the adrenalin from physical activity should be good for my brain chemistry, too.  So you see there’s no good reason not to go.  But goddamn I’m scared.

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