Tag Archive: New Form


Hum-drum

Mood:  3; started the morning grumpy due to lack of sleep. better in the afternoon. greasy hair makes me self-conscious so the not showering thing didn’t help. Having trouble coming to terms with the fact that it’s only Wednesday.

Breakfast:  Low on soymilk :(  So instead of cereal it was a slice of toast w/ PB and strawberry jelly, plus hot tea

Snack: about 1/4c-1/3c trail mix and a cup of coffee

Lunch: Roasted red pepper hummus with fresh broccoli & carrots, and an apple

Dinner: delicious summer pasta — fresh tomato, garlic, basil & olive oil over spaghetti; slice of garlic bread.

Exercise: Swimming lesson for 45min!
Self-Maintenance: too sleepy this morning to get up & take a shower. I did shower this evening tho.  Tried mom’s dandruff shampoo to see if it does anything for my weird oily dandruff.

Motivation: Last load of laundry still hanging over the back of my chair… already decided I’m too sleepy to attend to it tonight.

Avoidance: I don’t think I’ve crossed anything off my “To do” list at work the last few days. It’s been all too easy to get sidetracked lately due to other little projects cropping up.

Honesty: Can’t think of anything that came up today that might have involved this category…

Recovery

Mood:  4; quite a good recovery from yesterday’s excitement.

Breakfast: Kashi GoLean w/ fresh strawberries & Silk unsweetened soymilk, hot tea

Lunch: the other half of my Nature Boy from yesterday

Snack: bowl of homemade ice cream (half ginger, half peach)

Dinner: none

Snack: 12-16oz white tea w/ chrysanthemum

Exercise: a rather pathetic 15 crunches

Self-Maintenance: showered, shaved the bikini area (not going to swimming lessons with crotch mane). getting ready to go brush my teeth.

Motivation: enough that I did those crunches.  Also finished laundry, though I forgot about the last load in the dryer so now they’re all wrinkled and I really should iron them…..

Avoidance: Today I was really, really sore from the volunteer work yesterday, so I am totally OK with having done nothing but hang around the house all day.  Ow.

Honesty: saw and spoke to literally no one except mom.  therefore, n/a.

I don’t even want to report on my food today.  But I will.

Mood: 4; generally positive. Just wish this day could have been divided into at least two different weekends.

Breakfast: Kashi GoLean w/ Silk unsweetened soymilk, hot tea

Lunch: late lunch at Pinky’s: Nature Boy, sweet tater fries and 3/5 of a pitcher of Bell’s Oberon. I forgot that I recently resolved not to buy alcohol at restaurants, bars, etc.

Snack: Soy “Shorty” at Central Coffee

Dinner:  glass of Syrah

Exercise: 3 hrs laboring under the sun at this month’s BIG Project

Self-Maintenance: Still haven’t finished the laundry from last week.  Did take a shower after the volunteer project.  Mostly out of necessity.

Motivation: SUCH a long involved day all I really wanted to do was go home.  But I stuck to my plans and visited with everyone I said I would visit with.  Being social shouldn’t feel like a chore — and it’s not, really, once I get there — but damn if it doesn’t all pile on at once.

Avoidance: See above.  Didn’t do any laundry, didn’t really watch what I was eating (*ahem* booze) but then I was rather busy.

Honesty: I think I did pretty well today.  Sometimes I don’t know when being “honest” might be more like being rude, so I don’t say anything.  Is that bad?  I don’t know, I go back and forth about it.  On the one hand, why the need to rock the boat if it’s of little to no consequence. On the other hand, no one will know how I feel if I don’t speak up.  ~.~

My day went like this: woke up, had breakfast about 9:00. Went to McAlpine Elementary for the BIG Project at 10:00 — was on the team that made the frames for new raised beds in their cute little courtyard. The other team cleared all the weeds out of the courtyard — it was seriously, woefully overgrown. Sad that no one tended it. It really is cute.  Anyway, after the frames were done, spent some time in the courtyard helping with the weeding, then digging some holes for the frames to rest in.  Had to stop due to minor exhaustion.

1:00, headed home, stopped by Ross to get some new underwear. I needed some anyway, but I also knew I didn’t have any clean undies and I desperately needed a shower.  2:00, got out of shower. Headed to B’s. We went downtown for the annual Bon Odori festival but found it was about the end.  Went to Pinky’s for a bite instead.  Chatted for a long while there, went back to her place briefly.

7:00pm, I’m afraid if I stop by the house I won’t want to leave again, so I head down Central and stop in for a delicious Soy Shorty.  8:00, reach L’s place and chill and watch a disc of 30 Rock.  11:30, head home, exhausted.  Lovely heat lightning in the sky, breezy, probably mid-70s.

Walking back to my car after 30 Rock at L’s, I tried to put my finger on what bugs me about 30 Rock.  It’s Liz Lemon.  I know it’s a comedy and she’s a caricature, but she comes so close sometimes to having redeeming qualities that her caricature-ness just grates at me.  It’s like a cynical man once said, “just when you start to think she’s responsible, she proves you wrong.”  I have to remind myself that she’s not supposed to be realistic, that it’s the absurdness, the selfishness, the dumb shit, that makes her so funny.

Also, driving home I caught myself nearly “settling” for one of my embarrassing bad habits — excusing it as something I “just do,” something Liz Lemon does constantly, after some monumental failure of an attempt to change or improve herself in some way.  Then I thought, what the fuck, m E. You’re not a caricature.  You’re not a two-dimensional sketch of a person. You don’t live your life in yeses and nos, black and white, up and down.  Your life is an enormous, frustrating (and overflowing with potential) gray area, and there’s no room for “well, that’s just the way I am.”

Despite all the setbacks, the frustration, the giving up, the shame, I am and always will be a work in progress, and I will continue to give myself the attention and care I require to keep the work alive.  My application may be uneven, halfhearted some days, misguided others, but I’ll be damned if I allow any clever floozy on a 22-minute comedy show to twist my sensibilities to the point that I give up on any of it.

Picking back up

Mood: 3; bit uneasy due to stress at work (mostly related to situations I got myself into).  I wore a loose-fitting top and flowy pants and I felt… fat, almost.  As though dressing comfortably meant I had something to hide.  Definitely impacted my mood somewhat.  At least distracted me somewhat.

Breakfast: Kashi “Go Lean” w/ unsweetened Silk soymilk, hot tea

Snack: Lapsang Souchong (lightly sweetened), about 1/2c trail mix

Lunch: Grande mocha-coconut frappuccino

Dinner: 2 cobs of corn, glass of wine

Exercise: none

Self-Maintenance: did not shower this morning.

Motivation: hit “snooze” an extra time or two this morning. Avoiding some stuff I need to attend to at work, so thoroughly motivated to do the other things.

Avoidance: Things which involve contacting a customer with bad news, inquiring with a customer’s customs broker, getting back to someone who inquired about a product — basically anything that involves making phone calls, go fig.  Why do telephone calls terrify me so much?? I still can’t seem to get to the bottom of it.  I’m awkward with people in general but phones seem to bring out the worst in me. The most afraid and insecure in me, anyway.  Must attend to these things tomorrow.  Face the fear, m E!

Honesty: Nothing except the things noted above (in “Avoidance”).

Bechtler MOMA

Mood: 4; generally positive.  Got out of the house despite the miserable heat & humidity and went with mom to the Bechtler Museum of Modern Art uptown.  Some really nice, some really fun pieces there.

Breakfast: Piece of toast with crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jelly. Hot tea w/ cream.

Lunch: Got lunch at Mert’s after the museum: sweet tea (a little too sweet), fresh hot cornbread, collard greens, black eyed peas (a little too salty) and macaroni & cheese.  Ate a bit too much.

Dinner:  Sangria and Blueberry-Oat Bars

Exercise: between walking around the museum and walking around a bit uptown, probably about 1/2 hr of exercise.

Self-Maintenance: I do intend to brush my teeth before bed.  Did not shower this morning.

Motivation: Did not finish laundry, but that was largely because we spent all afternoon at the museum. I did go to the store after we got back and made the aforementioned Blueberry-Oat bars.

Avoidance: Friend I’m conflicted about called several times and I ignored rather than pick up. Don’t really know what to say to her.

Honesty:  See “avoidance.”

 

We had a lovely visit at the Bechtler.  Stopped in at Fuel to see if my niece was there — she was, and she accompanied us for lunch and then led us through the labyrinthine (and mostly air-conditioned) Overstreet Mall (a network of enclosed overpasses connecting major buildings in the uptown area) back to my car.  Gave her a ride to her apartment, headed home.  Very relaxed, low key day.

Mood: 3; generally OK. bit lonely.

Breakfast: None (slept in ’til noon)

Snack: small plum, garlic-lovers’ hummus & pita chips

Lunch: 1 cob sweet corn, sliced cucumber, watermelon, water

Dinner: Mom’s “Summer pasta” (tomato, squash & bell pepper w/ basil over spaghetti), garlic bread, iced tea

Exercise: None

Self-Maintenance: Took a shower after I got up.  Brushed my teeth before bed.

Motivation: Did laundry, including sheets & pillowcases. Stopped 1/2way through, will have to finish Sunday. Cleaned up & swept around the litter box.

Avoidance: Gotta poo. Don’t want to cuz I’m afraid it’s gonna hurt. Or clog the toilet. Or both.

Honesty: I sent a text message to LT around 4:30pm inviting her to come out to the drive-in. She texted back that she had a headache. Kinda hurt my feelings since it’s not even close to dark yet.  I didn’t want to be mean, but I did want to make that fact known, so I just said, OK, let me know if you feel better in the next 4 hours. Not super nice, but I felt it was important to say, hey, don’t write it off just because you have a headache right now.