I’m gonna be upfront and admit that as of beginning this post I have had 2 mojitos, which in this house means at least a shot and a half of rum each time. Which is enough to get me pretty tipsy so I make no guarantees as far as grammar and spelling go.
Randomly, and right after BF left to hang with a friend, I felt the urge to masturbate, and helped myself along with some good old-fashioned smut. Haven’t done that in a while, it was… well, I can’t say “fulfilling” but nice nonetheless. I should point out that my libido is usually in the negatives (I blame the Effexor) so this is quite an occasion.
It feels too much like a Friday to be Thursday.
I think, since my last session with my therapist, we have decided to slow down the pace a little. At first I seemed very capable and fairly healthy (?), but the last 2 or 3 sessions have been harder, like I’m slipping back into some of the old patterns, or just crashing into the same old walls I always run into eventually. I think it kind of surprised her, the other week, when I was so much more fragile than usual.
This tends to happen periodically. It’s like the wave of self-help crests and falls, and for a while I’m back to fighting myself again. But it’s OK, really. Right now (I feel tipsy, remember), I feel able to face these issues, this low self-esteem and whatever else. The more moments like this that I have, the easier it will be for me to remember this feeling when it matters.
Kitty is totally kneading my side. Ow.